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davidlochary [userpic]

Writer's Block: Memo to Myself

August 10th, 2009 (12:25 pm)

If you could travel back in time, what advice would you give to your younger self?

It's not a good idea to do PCP and hang around glass. At least not on July 29th,1977

davidlochary [userpic]

(no subject)

August 5th, 2009 (05:40 pm)

So I went to Subway today. I did not know of this "mayonnaise" or whatever you would like to call it, as I normally dine on the finer things in life, such as children's bowel movements and toe jam sushi.
ANYWHO, it looked a lot like semen to me, so I figured, what the hell, put it on my flatbread oven toasted tuna fish sandwich with onions, pickles, oil, and pepper jack cheese.

I put that hot, piping, sexy sandwich into my mouth and spit it out in utter disgust. I must've spitten on the child sitting two tables away from me, because it started to cry. It's mother got up and screamed, "THANKS YOU JUST GAVE MY CHILD PINK EYE!" I just stared at her. Quite frankly, I was more disturbed over my disgusting sandwich. Then I wondered, how does one give another pink eye just by spitting a part of tuna sandwich into an eye? So, I researched on how to give someone pink eye.

It was then I had an epiphany.
I should give as many people pink eye as I can. Chlamydia causes it. Maybe I should go get that.
So I googled,
"How to get Chlamydia" and I found this.

Instead, I decided to go back to the Subway, and sure enough, that whore and her child showed up. I followed them home, slept in the bushes, and then followed her to work the next day.
I then proceeded to prank call her job at Bennigan's.
I said I was most distraught, because I thought it was a health code violation to allow animals in the restaurant, and that she had been harassing me for the past few months, sending me photos of herself fornicating with what appeared to be a giant cat.

I waited outside and she left (because she got fired! hahahahahhaahahahhaha!!!). I punched her in the throat, raped her, and probably got Chlamydia because she was a dirty whore.

Now I'm going to spread it around forever!

davidlochary [userpic]

(no subject)

August 1st, 2009 (09:30 pm)

mood: cheerful

I decided to head to the zoo. I've heard some wonderful things about this "zoo" but in all my years alive, I never once even accepted the notion of a prison for animals.
Anyways, on my way over there, I stole some little girl's bike, and it HAD A HORN!
I started chasing people down the street while riding as fast as I could, all while blaring the horn on my new bike! The horrified looks on their faces were priceless!

It was especially great when I chased this very immobile old woman down, she fell flat on her face and cried! Blood was everywhere!!! The best things in life really are free.

This is probably the happiest I've been in a long time, and in my moments of joy, I completely forgot about the zoo. Instead, I spent the whole afternoon terrorizing the streets of Baltimore.

Oh well, maybe another day.

Would anyone care to accompany me to the soon any time soon?

We could take the bus next time!!!!!!!

davidlochary [userpic]

(no subject)

July 29th, 2009 (06:32 pm)

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davidlochary [userpic]

Happy Death Day!

July 29th, 2009 (11:17 am)

Today has been 32 years since I died.

davidlochary [userpic]

Writer's Block: Pick and Stick

July 24th, 2009 (06:10 pm)

If you could only eat one kind of cuisine—Mexican, Thai, French, Italian, Indian, Chinese, etc.—for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?


davidlochary [userpic]

(no subject)

July 16th, 2009 (04:03 am)

mood: high on pcp

I have a penis, and I'm NOT afraid to use it.

davidlochary [userpic]

My penis has a higher bmi than I do.

July 12th, 2009 (11:39 pm)

mood: flirty

Went for a ride on my bicycle today. It was rather enjoyable. Saw a skunk, gave it roofies, then put it on my neighbor's front step next to a flaming bag of poop. Rang the doorbell, and stood back with my camera.

Filmed the whole thing.

He comes out screaming, stomps on the bag, frightens the skunk who is just waking up from the roofies, skunk sprays him, I laugh. He looks at me, I drop the camera, and flash him (I'm wearing a trench coat the entire time).

I know, I'm lacking. Been tired and not myself lately. My age is catching up with me.

davidlochary [userpic]

Had to screen cap before it gets deleted.

July 11th, 2009 (06:27 pm)


(In the ad, Billy Mays is only there once. I had to screen cap it three times to get the whole ad to fit)

davidlochary [userpic]

(no subject)

July 10th, 2009 (06:24 pm)

mood: aggravated

I'm googling for Richard Speck's tits so I can actually cum this time while I masturbate.

davidlochary [userpic]

(no subject)

July 9th, 2009 (04:14 pm)

mood: rejected

 I see The_Egg_Lady does not want to add me back!

davidlochary [userpic]

(no subject)

July 8th, 2009 (07:06 pm)

mood: amused

On my quest to be the filthiest person alive, I raped an entire compound consisting of FLDS members (men only), while applying make-up on the women SO THEY WOULD LOOK LIKE WHORES.
I took their pets, skinned off their fur, and used it as wallpaper for my home.
I then took pictures of it all, and posted it on the internet, then deleted them, because as we all know...



davidlochary [userpic]

(no subject)

July 7th, 2009 (05:19 pm)

Here is a picture of me I stole from google.

davidlochary [userpic]

(no subject)

July 7th, 2009 (05:01 pm)

mood: pleased

I ran into the most beautiful whore today. We went to Starbucks and chatted. I wore one sequined glove to honor Michael Jackson. She thought I was weird. She tried to have sex with me. I laughed and told her I am gay. I then proceeded to stab her 50 times, also in honor of Michael Jackson, a stab for every year he was alive!

As she voided her bowels, I undressed her and threw her onto oncoming traffic. Then, I got a plastic bag and put her clothes in it. Someone is going to have a new outfit!

davidlochary [userpic]

(no subject)

July 6th, 2009 (01:14 pm)

I love you so fucking much, I could shit.

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